Should I stay or should I go?
After a week and a half of driving a truck, loading a truck, calculating the weight of a truck, backing and parking a truck, I’ve come to the conclusion that life is too simple in the seat of a truck. It’s been a tough realization.
Perhaps it would be different if I was taking passengers or being responsible for a certain load, but when learning how to drive and manage the vehicle, there is no such added function. I’m not saying that getting a truck licence is easy, however, I just don’t feel a huge amount of motivation for bagging one. Now when I think about it, nobody even asked if I wanted to get this licence – I was told to take it.
Well, I can’t just go with the flow any longer.
In the past couple of weeks I’ve been feeling the November blues. And ever since getting back from Italy I’ve felt stressed too. Having had another bad night’s sleep with flu symptoms, I skipped driving this afternoon and went to the doctor’s. Having ventilated my situation and talked for over an hour I finally know why I’ve been feeling so stressed, (great doctor by the way).
It really is fundamental to feel heard and understood when thoughts grow too large for one head to handle. Do you feel needed and valued and appreciated? Not just at home, but also at work? For example: as a presenter on the radio you entertain and get immediate feedback from the audience. You may or may not always be appreciated, but you’ve filled a function and done a job that someone value, (since it’s still your show).
I’ve realized I don’t have a purpose at work at the moment. Plus, constantly being sent to courses is making me tired, and ever since Italy – I fill no unique function! Currently in the military, I just do what someone of a higher rang tells me to, and it’s getting old. Now I drive a truck. Once that’s done, I’ll be told to do something else – without consideration for my capacity, or my knowledge and skills.
Will I need to wait for a new mission to do my job again? What about my day job, now when NATO has decided it is peace in the world?
I want to make use of the time that passes by and never comes back again in a way that feel meaningful to me. Besides, I didn’t sign up to the Army to be a soldier. I signed up to be an executive producer of media. Unless I see some signs that I’ll be building a new media platform next year, I may hear London calling.
