The Army

I got my life back on Friday after three days in Military School, or Boot Camp. Not sure how to translate the basic soldier training I have to complete as part of my employment.

Before leaving camp on Friday, one of the girls turned to me and said; It’s been really fun this week! I looked at her and replied that it has indeed been fun. On Thursday night I was the fastest of all girls when we ran 3000 meters. But it’s also been crap at times, physically tough and super intense learning. She agreed.

On Friday night all muscles in my body hurt, I felt tired and I had a headache. I spent the evening watching Simpson’s on TV whilst having two portions of pasta, two pieces of bread and a chocolate bar for dessert. Although I was sitting on the floor in a half empty room – since my flat is being renovated; it was beautiful. I was in charge of my life again and with an entire weekend ahead to spend as I please.

This resulted in attending a carnival in Uppsala on Saturday, meeting up with friends and having lunch, shopping, cooking food, cleaning my flat, shopping more on Sunday, washing, painting an old mirror and putting up stuff on my walls, etc.

I am exhausted!

I was meant to relax this weekend but the highly productive 12-14 hour days in Boot Camp has totally put me in a speeded mode and I find it hard to unwind all of a sudden. At least it’s another short week ahead. Only three days... I can do it.

I’ve just come back from a media conference in Stockholm. It was such an inspiring couple of days and many memories from my London radio time came back.

There were lots of speeches too. However, my first booked speech was also the last one I attended. ‘Designing for the digital future’ presented by an uncharismatic Austrian was so boring I walked out after 20mins.

Speaking to the visitors and having coffee with the exhibitors was way more entertaining and I learnt lots from the various conversations. I met a guy whose company is recording the sound for Stig Larsson’s trilogy, which is being filmed in Sweden at present. It’s the Hollywood version. Movie scenes need to be filmed over and over again from different angles and actors are either good at delivering the lines in the same tempo and emotions, or less good, which later impact the editing.

Chatting about sound, images and lights also reminded me of all the concerts I recorded throughout the years for Total Rock Radio. I thought of all the live broadcasts we did, especially the one at Ozzfest in Milton Keynes, where I produced interviews with one superstar after another in a small caravan behind the main stage. Ozzy had his entire family there and the kids took turns walking the dogs. The dogs were tiny so they didn’t need to move far.

I haven’t even included my sound engineering or production skills in my CV and I rarely get a chance to think about those days, let alone speak about them. But they are great memories.

I finished off my media conference with dinner at ‘Pontus By The Sea’ in Stockholm. We then went for drinks and two bars are worth mentioning if you’re around: Le Rouge and Fredsgatan 12 – both in Old Town.

Unfortunately the night ended suddenly when I started vomiting near Stureplan and we had to rush back to our hotel overlooking Humlegården. It’s the second time since I moved back that I’ve become sick from oysters or possibly the ice, at two of Stockholm’s best restaurants.

At least I threw up in style in the hotel suite. It’s perhaps as close to my rock'n'roll past I will get right now. :-)

I was only in the office for three days last week and then we went out of town for a Psyops planning conference.

Apart from listening, discussing and taking notes, exercising was on the schedule. I was expecting a hard-core workout and prepared myself for the worst, whilst people gathered up on the field outside. Then all of a sudden my Dutch yoga teacher from the local gym rocked up and held a one hour class in the sun. 

The yoga was followed by beer drinking in the sauna with the girls and later on we all enjoyed a dinner party until the early hours. I also got my own single room for the night with a real bed! Just like you expect at a work conference I suppose. So all in all, I’m happy to say it was a wonderful military experience. :-)

There hasn’t really been any time to chill however, since our last mission, so that’s what I did this weekend. I slept all Saturday and didn’t get up until 10am Sunday to read, cook and do some laundry. It was great.

Since I moved in to my flat I haven’t had any Internet at home. I tried an Internet service for three days in March and got super stressed from being instantly available to the world, so I returned it to the shop. So now when I am actually at home, it’s like being on holiday.

For some reason I don’t even want to write about the past week on mission. It’s too fresh. Right now I just want to get back into the life I know again. Getting back to work this Monday morning is actually hard. I am realizing a pattern here – I always feel like I’ve overdosed on the Military after a few days in the forest.

Don’t get me wrong: it’s been an incredibly fun week with lots of laughter, jokes and new learning’s. However, it’s been a steep learning curve for me, which makes me want to leave it all for a while. It’s also been a tough week physically as I’ve been carrying around 30 to 40 kg each day. It’s how much our full equipment weights – including clothes, helmet, weapon and backpack – and we’ve been training with most things on all days. Another 10kg and it’s nearly my own weight!

All military gear has been created for men, not women, for traditional reasons. So the equipment don’t really fit my body and instead of tightening the backpack around my waist for example, it’s been hanging off my hips, making two big bruises on my sore hipbones. After walking for five hours with a map and compass trying to find our new location on the last day, my feet were aching so badly I thought my bones underneath my feet was going to explode from the extra weight. On the up side - my arse has never been as tight as it is now. Rock hard.

On the last night of the mission, there was no tent to sleep in and no sleeping bags. To be told we won’t be sleeping in a tent after hiking around with heavy gear for a fourth day, provoked a 10-minutes remorse attack that I honestly didn’t have time for. I had to start finding a spot to sleep, preferably near a rock where I could build a fire and create a bed from pine tree branches. I guess it was a final test of some of the learnings from this week.

I didn’t even sleep for one second. My wood ran out at around 2am and from that point onwards I was looking for sticks and stuff to burn in the pitch-black night. It’s crazy what you do when you have no choice.

One evening we were driven to an ice-cold lake, so that we could have a wash. I screamed as I forced myself into the water and my feet were numb for 20mins afterwards. The guys went after me. Boy did they scream too. All dried up, we grilled hot dogs over an open fire and it was my first hot dog in years. It’s impossible to be a vegetarian on a Military mission. I’ve needed all energy available this week and the hot dogs were a treat I wanted to feel part of.

It’s surreal to be back in the ‘real’ world again and there is something sad about it too. I can’t put my finger on it now.

I am clean now. I can go to a toilet that flush and drink water from a tap, buy whatever food I like in the shop. There are no enemies to watch out for, no fire to guard and I have a warm beautiful home with lots of rooms and a brand new bed that makes me sleep like a princess. Life is comfortable again, but apart from that: Nothing has changed. It’s the life I know again. Hello.

Today is my last day at the VIKING exercise, which ends tomorrow. The media gaming team has been working 14 hours days to cover national news for Bogaland press, TV and radio. The production of the television news has taken most of my time, with a News broadcast being delivered every morning, and repeated throughout the day.

Working for 10 days straight in a fictional and intense media scenario at VIKING, has been similar to working in the music industry... I have in the last few days been living in a very niche and fun bubble of its own, with little connection with the 'real' world.

Presenting in front of the camera and interviewing at large press conferences with photographers next to me; is a high adrenaline job. I felt the same way in the music industry – always going to concerts, socializing and interviewing artists for the radio or web. My brain has been slightly fried in the last week... I'm actually surprised how well I've coped and at the amount of energy I still have! Guess I’m a bit of an adrenaline junkie and I still love the action that comes with thinking on my feet and the pressure of deadlines.

To top an already full schedule, me and a friend drove to Uppsala and saw Danko Jones live at Katalin last night. The venue was amazing and it was Danko's first gig in nine years there. It was the perfect ending to a busy day: Headbanging to loud music -mainly about making out in cars, driving a Cadillac and kissing on the first date (as if that’s what he really meant...) The music, packed venue and my pint of Shandy was just what I needed – I’m presenting the news today so also needed my beauty sleep… :-)

Well I’m off to prepare for the final TV News...

So far at VIKING, I have interviewed the NATO general, EU represenative, refugees, politicians, the UN secretary general, a couple of presidents and several tortured prisoners.

I've also been the gang leader in a planned cocaine hijack and shot three men in the head. That was fun. In fact - it was caught on CCTV camera and therefore made the International TV News in Bogaland this morning:
           
http://www.youtube.com/user/12media?feature=mhum#p/a/u/0/NoIgbNufZhQ

Tuesday 5 April 2011

I was absolutely buzzing with energy all the way home tonight, managing to call three friends before I reached my door.

I’d done an 11hour day at The Swedish Armed Forces biggest event of the year. 2500 people from 31 countries has flown in, so the town is packed with international militaries, police and civilians from over 40 organisations, such as Save the Children, UN and Amnesty International. It’s a huge media training exercise going on. It’s called VIKING, and my job is to create the media scenario, which will simulate game play for the attendees. The base has been turned into “Bogaland” and our international TV station and national radio will broadcast on “Zulu” time. I love it!

Apart from working as a multimedia producer, reporter and journalist, I will be presenting the TV news at our English speaking TV station. I will be working together with a guy who currently presents the news for Swedish Television. I’m so excited about it and that’s why I’ve been high and buzzing since dinner. Oh, that’s a perk too. We’re getting fed breakfast, lunch and dinner for free over the next 10 days.

If my last mission - the six days in the forest - had the feel of a music festival, the energy at VIKING reminds me of the MTV Awards. I really love working with big live events like this, and it's great to be surrounded by so many enthusiastic and dedicated people.

Tomorrow will be a long production day. Today mainly involved prepping and attending around a 1000 seminars. I have a real difficult time sitting still and hearing what they’re saying during speeches and seminars. It’s like watching little puppets behind a podium moving their mouths and not having a faintest idea what they’re talking about. And I was really trying hard to listen!

It reminds me of when I started my production company in London and spent a weekend taking speech and sales classes in order to convince my future clients. One thing I learnt is that there are two types of people: cat and dog people. A cat person need to feel involved, talked to directly and have some questions and movement captivating their attention during the pitch, otherwise you’ll loose their attention. Well, the cat people wasn’t catered for today and I was lost in space for half of it.

Starting to feel slightly spaced now too. I’ve just had a long essential oil bath. A shop here emptied their health section last week and I got some amazing deals. Apart from Herbal Bath products, I discovered the most amazing organic lotion I’ve ever tried – Lemon Fresh by Lavera Yum!

Twice, I have worn my green uniform to and from work.

I felt surprisingly relaxed with it on, as if I have now gotten used to it, even in public. I’ve also noticed that most Swedes are too polite to stare, and perhaps they’re also used to often seeing the army outfits in Enköping. There are around 1000 militaries here.

The other day, however, I had just come out of the grocery shop when I noticed a man staring me straight in the eyes until I had passed him on the pavement. It felt like a hostile and challenging gaze, as his face was serious and eyes wide. Not Swedish by birth, his face met mine in an aggressive way.

I didn’t see the point in staring back at him. If he doesn’t like militaries, it’s his problem, and I wasn’t interested in challenging his look. With his intense gaze, he came across as a killer machine to me – or perhaps he saw me as one? I felt more like a pussycat, carrying my milk and cream for my pancakes. 

Not because of this incident, but a few other experiences – I have decided to stop wearing my uniform out of office hours. There are a few reasons to this:

Bringing home my uniform is like bringing home my work. My working days feels longer the longer I wear the uniform, since the rules around it are so strict.

The truth is, I don’t identify with being a soldier. But I can take on the role, and several others if the situation requires it – at work for example. Since I don’t identify with being a soldier, I can wear the uniform and look at it with distance to who I am, also in my home.

So from this aspect, I find it OK to see my uniform inside my wardrobe along with my other jackets and shoes.

However, I don’t want to! Haha. And it really doesn’t fit my wardrobe. The boots gets muddy and the uniform smells of fire and it gets dirty like none of my other clothes. But most importantly, it's not comfortable. Although changing sizes several times, the crutch always rests on my thigh and the shoes are too wide. These clothes are clearly not made for a woman! Plus, again – seeing my uniform in my flat is like bringing home my work. And I wish to keep my home a neutral zone, where I can act and create without restrictions.

For these reasons, I have placed my day-to-day military clothes, along with my army gym clothes in the female dressing room at work. The big locker is next to the showers and sauna and a beautiful relaxing area with comfy chairs, plants and a glass table with magazines. This is where I prefer to start my working day as well as finish it.

Have a great weekend everyone!

We’ve been raising tents in the military this week. We’ve put them up in snowy weather, wet weather, dry weather and sunny weather.  And then down again. Then up. And then down again, for about two days. We’ve become quite good at it and they’re absolutely massive tents. So this week has involved a lot of physical work.

I've also attended “kettlebell” for the first time. In the late 20th century Soviet science verified that repetition kettlebell lifting, is one of the best tools for all around physical development. 

The instructor is the strongest man I’ve ever met. He’s Finish, but talks English during class. I'm glad, as speaking Swedish with a Finish accent sounds kind of harsh...

The one hour class went well and the instructor complimented my balance and asked: “What’s your sport?” I told him I used to figure skate when I was younger, which made me wonder: Are those jumps and sitting down pirouettes 15 years ago still paying off? I suppose the sports we practice as children, are vastly significant to our adult physique.

The kettle bells class is the best full body workout I’ve had in a long time and I can highly recommend it!

Tuesday 22^nd March, 2011

I had a relaxing massage in the afternoon at work today, but have felt like a zombie ever since… I am still very tired after our mission in the forest.

During our broadcasting mission, I read a book about soldiers at war, which inspired me to produce a 5mins programme about serious stress reactions that require treatment. I was so fascinated by my research I have to share it here.

Obviously, it’s not only soldiers – all people can experience stress symptoms caused by various situations in life.

Serious stress reactions:

The environment of a war will put a lot of pressure onto a person. There’s an old saying that goes: “How you react in a pressured situation during peace, that’s how you’ll probably react at war.”

It’s possible for a soldier to feel stress symptoms before, during and after a battle. When an immediate danger is over, the symptoms usually pass. However if the reaction has been strong – some serious stress symptoms remain, for example:

Worry and restlessness

Mood swings

Sleeping problems

Emotional – easily cries

Little appetite

Shakings and trembling

It’s also possible to react more inwards with symptoms, such as:

Empty, staring gaze

Nothing matters

Silence and isolation

It’s important to remember that a mentally drained person can’t just get on with it, and cheer up. All his energy is going towards keeping the internal worry under control.

To help someone who is emotionally drained – seek contact with him. Don’t treat him like a sick person, but show him that you understand that he is psychologically exhausted and that he needs care and certain treatment.

Make him understand that what he is going through is absolutely normal, and that it won’t impact his duties and responsibilities in the future. However, at the moment, he needs to rest.

Avoid talking yourself and don’t try to give any “good advice”. Definitely don’t try to minimize or deny the problem. Instead, listen and be compassionate. A person with stress symptoms needs support.

Give him a relaxing place to rest if it’s possible, bring him warm food and give him a temporary less straining role. Sleep is one of the best medicines.

Although a mentally drained person require certain treatment, it’s important that he carries on feeling NEEDED.

Support the person so that he doesn’t feel useless or inadequate. Make him believe he is still a valuable asset to the team. Only if the person is dangerous to himself or the team, he will need qualified treatment.

Don’t forget; his condition is temporary.

Monday night 21st March, 2011.

I am exhausted.

When we arrived at the military base this morning, it felt so cosy to be back at work again.  My desk looked cosy as well as my locker, the sterile kitchen and all the soldiers, buildings and the cars there too.

Six days in the forest felt like a long time. Having gone without sleeping properly and producing radio around 16 hours per day, has taken its toll on me.

Apart from dead flies, the cabin had a lot of rat poo inside. I actually had to wipe some off my mattress the first day. At least I made sure I wasn’t in a room with anybody snoring. So, the conditions in the cabin, wasn’t exactly cosy. But as everybody told me when I got back: “Be grateful you didn’t have to sleep in a tent!”

It had me thinking for a while – what on earth have I gotten myself into? It’s so typical of me just to jump into new stuff that excites me without thinking about the less exciting or even negative aspects. It’s like I am unable to think about anything difficult in advance of a project that appeals to me. And I really don’t like it when people bring up the potential negatives either. It has never helped me, so why do it?

That reminds me of something a wise friend recently said: “It’s only possible to reflect back in time – never the present.” So if a path I’ve taken in my life isn’t clear right now, I know it will be in time. Meanwhile, I’ll just carry on following my gut instinct and heart.

Anyways, I survived the rat-infested cabin and it actually involved a lot of laughter and lots of poo jokes. It’s also been a real bonding experience with the awesome team of professionals I have the pleasure of working with.

And the main thing is – my first mission was hugely successful! Thanks to our technology and specialist knowledge, we built a radio station from scratch and the Swedish audience could hear us well and got in touch. A few enthusiastic people showed up at the cabin, including our bosses at the base who were mighty impressed. Now we know that when needed, we're able to produce a psychological operation abroad using radio.

I just need to catch up on sleep now.

Third day on my first mission and I started the day with permission of a 30mins shower. Having gone without a wash for three days, it was a slight incredible experience.

At the moment, we’re counting down the minutes until my show starts. I recorded a two hours show with a party theme and dance music this afternoon. As always on the radio, I go on an adrenaline high and become a complete zombie afterwards. I’m actually sleep deprived, as we’re awake watching over the broadcast at night.

Listening to loud music and producing jingles from the cabin kitchen over here is reminding me a lot of the days at Total Rock Radio in London. Only world famous rock stars walking in and out missing... Instead there are a bunch of fit Swedish soldiers in green army pants, hehe.

Before this mission I made sure to get bigger shoes and pants, so no more blisters and itchy feet for me, such a relief.

We’ve mainly been inside today since a snowstorm hit the forest this morning. I am really looking forward to spring now. Also got two weeks off in April, so thinking of going to a warmer place... Any ideas?

Second day on my first mission and I am able to get a slow Internet connection thanks to a nearby iPhone.

Having been surrounded by radio equipment and not much more than trees and snow for a couple of days with little sleep, I am starting to believe I’m in a new country – radio land – where the language is a mix of English and Swedish and the days long and hard.

It took us a while to get the radio transmitter up and running yesterday. I was digging, shuffling snow and putting together the enormous construction piece by piece. It was hugely satisfying to see the transmitter lighting up the black night and to finally be broadcasting around 11pm. I was absolutely exhausted in the end, but once the music started streaming our cabin became a party.

I still can’t believe we’ve created a totally new radio station from scratch – all from a forest somewhere in Sweden. We’ll be broadcasting on 99.5FM until Sunday.

I spent the morning packing my green duffel bag as well as the rucksack and made sure I have everything needed for the next five days. I’ll be off on my first mission tomorrow. We’ll be back on Monday afternoon, so will be working over the weekend as well.

In the afternoon I went for my first spinning class at the gym. It was like a day time rave but in gym clothes. Fantastic boost of energy! I’m really looking forward to completely snow bare roads soon, so I can start running. There are great tracks in the forest here and people have been using them for cross country skiing all winter.

Something else happened today as I was leaving work… I found out I’ve been ripped off. The buyer of my UK Blackberry phone, never paid the money into my PayPal account, he sent me a spoof e-mail. So I never got paid the 240 pounds we agreed on. I got rid of my Blackberry though. In December my Barclays card got hijacked in Brazil and in January someone went nuts using my American Express at some designer store. The bb things happened in February. Hopefully this month is safe.

A new employee joined our media crew this week. However, I’m still the only woman. The new guy has previously worked as a documentary film maker for Swedish television and as a news reporter for both Swedish TV and radio.

It’s great to be surrounded by people with similar creative interests and I love the Swedish man’s view on equality, paternity and maternity leave and their overall similar values and opinions. It saves so much energy to be on the same level and just get on with the fun stuff. We’re having a lot of fun at work actually. It really is a top team.

On Monday afternoon I was greeted by two soldiers for the first time. They nodded, said: “Sergeant”, and only took their right arms down once I had released mine.

That’s how it’s done friends.

This morning I finally got access to my computer and work e-mail. I also signed up to the internal fitness programme that keeps track of the exercise classes I attend and it will reward me based on points earned. I guess it pays to be fit in the army.

Since I didn’t bring a lunch box today I had to go into town to pick up some food at the grocery store. My boss diplomatically said: “If someone looks at you in town, it’s not because you’re a soldier, it’s because you’re a woman”. I raised an eyebrow, and he quickly added “And a soldier”!

It was sunny. I was dressed in my green uniform from top to toe and passing a bunch of stores. A man came out of a mobile phone shop as I walked by. He jumped to the side. Then he smiled.

I immediately took my hat off in the grocery store and the instinctive move surprised me a little. I was lightly told off the other day when I forgot to take my hat off inside the chief commander’s office. As frightening as it sounds… good girls learn quickly.

Shopping food in a military suit made me decisive. I went for the salad I know I like and the bread I’ve bought before. I quickly looked at the cereals and although I wasn’t sure about a certain pack, I just grabbed it. Where do I pay?

All of a sudden, I wasn’t able to blend in anymore – I was a green person. And a soldier is also usually a subject of opinion. I guess a foreigner must feel similar, especially in a small town like Enköping.

After three full days in uniform I am realizing that my boots are too big, the trousers give me blisters as the crutch is made for a man – feels like I’ve got the belt under my chest! And the wholly socks are super itchy. I need to see the guys in the wear-house first thing Monday. So grateful to be wearing my own clothes for two days now – bless the weekend!

Today was my last day in civilian clothes.

My two outdoor jackets, hats and t-shirt were delivered with the correct military rank this morning at the warehouse. The guys over there know me by my first name now. They're slow but really sweet and helpful.

I am Sergeant First Class here - hired as a specialist producer of International Psychological Operations. I’m not allowed to carry out psyops in my own country and unless I’ve personally bought some military clothes – which I can do for a bargain - I’m not allowed to mix my military gear with any civilian clothes. When outdoors, I always have to wear a hat (unless somebody with a higher rank gives me permission to take it off).

I will carry out my first mission next week. It’s an operation to test technology and in this case, our radio technology. Today I’ve been putting together content for a new FM radio station with music and jingles and will be broadcasting over Stockholm next Wednesday to Sunday.

It's strange but after just one week in Enköping, I'm starting to feel more positive and at home here.